Wario's Valentine gift for Mona
by WarioMan3K
Summary: It's Valentine's Day, and Wario's looking to buy something nice for his girlfriend, Mona. Feeling the right gift for her is just around the corner, he takes a closer look at a bowling alley. TOLD FROM WARIO'S P.O.V.


I know it's late, but better just that than never, right? Actually though about doing a short fic like this since I posted (and downloaded) this picture on Miiverse via _Wii Sports Club_ on the Wii U. Add to the fact that Mona's stage in _WarioWare: Touched!_ had Pro Bowling as a "boss" microgame, so I thought why not. Well, I hope you enjoy!

NOTE: This fic contains a good number pairings I really like (canon or otherwise), especially Wario/Mona and Pit/Phosphora.

 **DISCLAIMER: The following franchises referenced here belong to Nintendo: WarioWare Inc., Mario, Kid Icarus, The Legend of Zelda, Donkey Kong, Pokemon, EarthBound, Super Smash Bros. and Splatoon. Final Fantasy is owned by Square-Enix; Wreck-It Ralph and Frozen are properties of Disney; Contra is owned by Konami. My online friend LovelyTekki owns her OC, Princess Cherry, whereas the ones (if not wholly fan characters) I own here are Blaze Bomber, and 9-Volt's best friend Phoebe.**

* * *

-Wario's Valentine gift for Mona-

(WARIO'S P.O.V.)

Diamond City, the best city in the US, let alone California, where everything's safe and sound thanks to the six heroic Contras, blah blah blah...you get the picture. But hey, anything to help ensure WarioWare Inc. and Wario Park keep afloat for years to come, even if I've got myself a competition to deal with (by that, of course, I mean Penny Crygor and Blaze Bomber's Diamond Arcade World). Anyhoo, enough about that. This story is all about Nintendo's most handsome, butt-kicking treasure hunter: ME! So there I was at the bowling alley Mona usually goes to - that's Diamond City Lanes, by the way - keep her skills up to par whenever she's not busy with her job and stuff. Apparently she's got a 20% discount card for up to ten people as part of Valentine's Day, so she thought why not invite her "little brother" 9-Volt and his mom (who, may I remind you, is the reason I hate going to the Gamer stage in Smash World because she ALWAYS busts me everytime)...also Phoebe, Princess Cherry from ChiWorld, 18-Volt, Kat, Ana, and even that 16 or 17-year-old hyperactive ninja girl, Yuffie Kisaragi. Ehh, I never could remember how old she is, but who cares?

Oh yeah, Pit and Phosphora tagged along too, not that I should be surprised. Kat and Ana are keeping score, so yeah, more power to them.

Anyways, I was watching one of the TV screens on display while getting me some donuts to scarf, thinking of what I wanna get for my redheaded girlfriend!

 _Ladies and gentlemen, this is Lakitu reporting live from the Mushroom Kingdom on the Mario Kart: Double Dash Valentine Fun-Fest! There will be eight races in eight different tracks, hand-picked by Toadsworth. 12 teams of two will be competing for first place to see who's the best lovebirds on the tarmac! Here's the roster for all of you to see, folks!_

 _1\. Mario and Peach, the Power Players in Mario's Red Fire_  
 _2\. Luigi and Daisy, the Tango Tanglers in Luigi's Green Fire_  
 _3\. Toad and Toadette, the Zoomin' Shrooms with Toad's namesake kart_  
 _4\. Diddy Kong and Dixie Kong, the Apetastic Adventurers in Diddy's Barrel Train_

 _We also have pairs from other worlds, let alone Smash World! This may come as a surprise to you, so let's hear it for..._

 _5\. Link and Zelda, of Holy Triforce with the custom-made Master Kart_  
 _6\. Ash Ketchum and Misty, of Lightning and Water in their custom-made Pika Racer_  
 _7\. Ness and Paula Polestar, of Team EarthBound on a kart custom-built for them by Dr. Andonuts and his son Jeff: the Mr. Saturn_  
 _8\. Ryu and Chun-Li, the Street Fighters on the custom-made Hadou-Kart_

 _Get it? Hadou-Kart?...Eh, nevermind. You could say that Link and Zelda invited these guys ever since he made a surprise appearance on his Master Cycle._

 _9\. Orange Inkling Girl and Blue Inkling Boy, the Squid Kids in their Squid Kart_  
 _10\. Wreck-It Ralph and Queen Elsa, of Crushed Ice on the Piranha Prowler, converted into a two-person kart, and coated in sky blue to match the color of Elsa's dress_  
 _11\. Vanellope von Schweetz and Rancis Fluggerbutter, of Sugar Rush with Vanellope's kart, converted into a two-person kart_  
 _12\. Fix-It Felix Jr. and Sergeant Tamora Jean "T.J." Calhoun, as Hero's Cuties on the custom-made Gunship, a two-person kart modeled after Samus Aran's trademark spacecraft_

 _To conclude my announcement, the 8 courses that our special event will be taking place in order from first to last, are as follows:_

 ** _Mario Kart: Double Dash!_**  
 _Peach Beach_  
 _Mario Circuit_  
 _Yoshi Circuit_

 ** _Mario Kart DS_**  
 _Delfino Square_  
 _Peach Gardens_

 ** _Mario Kart Wii_**  
 _Coconut Mall_  
 _Daisy Circuit_  
 _Moonview Highway_

 _And without further ado, let the competition begin! Fellow lovebirds, start your engines!_

"Go, Ralph!" I cheered with glee. "You and Elsa show 'em who's boss around here!" As much as I wanted to race to win a cash prize and buy Mona an expensive gift, this was out of the question. I hate that! I wanna show Mario and Peach that I'm better than them with Mona racing at my side! But then something hit me: why not get something nice without having to trounce Mario in a race? He always beats me and Waluigi anyway! Ehh, small price to pay, but hey, I'm still rich! Maybe even richer than Bill Gates! Dun da-da daaa!

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"Ahhh, good afternoon, sir! What can I do for you today?"

"Mister," I replied to the shopkeeper of Diamond City Lanes's pro shop, "I wanna get my girlfriend the prettiest, shiniest bowling ball ya got! Something red or pink, heavy enough to guarantee her a strike but just right for her!"

"Oooh, whose heart did you catch?" he asked.

"Heh heh heh, Mona, that's who! It's-a me, Waaaaario!"

"Hey, I thought I'd recognized you by your big pink nose! How's your WarioWare business coming along?"

"Fine and dandy with lotsa moola for a handsome guy like me!"

The shopkeeper gave me a smirk in response. "Consider this your lucky day, 'cause it's the last one in stock! This here beauty is the DV8 Diva Pearl, weighing 14 lbs. with a great hook potential for a Bowling Queen like her."

I took a closer look at the ball, eyeing its awesome mixture of pink and silver. Lucky for me, the three finger holes aren't too small for Mona, which is good. So then I said, "I'll take it!"

"Good choice, Wario! For you, it's $120 plus tax."

"WHAT?! That's too expensive!"

"Hoo hoo hoo! I kid. I kid. Normally, it's $120, but I'll let you in on a secret since I really enjoy your microgames. You gotta promise me not to tell anyone. If you can defeat me in _Super Smash Bros. for Wii U_ , I can cut the price in half just for you. Best of three, two-stock matches with a five-minute time limit; character customization and items are disabled, and we compete _only_ in Final Destination or Omega versions of other battle stages. Bottom line, it'll be like playing an online For Glory session."

"You, sir, are speakin' my language. Bring it on!"

And so, the shopkeeper temporarily closed up shop by covering the windows with noise-reduction shades and the door with a shutter. Of course, I picked myself because I'm awesome and better than Mario, while he went with Palutena. He picked the Omega version of Palutena's Temple for our first match, and already I started kicking his butt. You have no idea how many times I've lost to that overblown goddess in Smash World, but now I know all her moves by heart! I focused hard and defeated him, but when he picked Ness for the next match (and the Omega version of Pokemon Stadium 2), that's when things turned hectic! All he kept on doing to me is spamming Ness's air combo over and over, and never giving me a chance to defend myself! I lost not once, but TWICE because of that stupid combo Ness has the ability to use! AAARGH!

"Sorry Wario, I can't give credit!" he taunted. "Come back when you're a little more...mmm...skillful at this game!"

I threw my hands up in the air, reluctantly admitting defeat as the shopkeeper reopened the pro shop. "Oh fine, here's your stupid $120 plus tax! At least I still get to make Mona happy on Valentine's Day! Hmph, that dirty cheatin', stinkin', air combo-spamming con man...!"

* * *

After taking a moment in the restroom to let out some steam, I came back out and presented Mona the most wonderful surprise she's ever seen! "The DV8 Diva Pearl!" she squealed in delight! "Aww, I've always wanted a bowling ball like this one! It'll be an excellent strike ball since I usually have my 12-lb. Fire Ball double as a spare ball! Thank you, thank you!" Then she smothered my cheeks with red lipstick...and boy does it feel great to be kissed by my girlfriend. Oh yeah...

And she turned over to the Nintendo kid, giggling like a schoolgirl just the way I remember. "Did you hear that, 9-Volt? Your big sister's got herself a slightly heavier bowling ball that's great enough for a strike ball!"

"Yeah, that's awesome, Mona!" whooped 9-Volt, as the "siblings" hugged each other. "Are you gonna teach me, Phoebe, Kat and Ana some advanced techniques you mentioned occasionally?"

"Of course, sweetie. It takes a lotta practice, trust me. You just need to think back to Wii Sports bowling, for starters..."

Everybody huddled up to listen to Mona's wise words, but I simply took a moment to imagine just what she's really capable of as Diamond City's Sports Queen. Think of how well she'd fare in golf, tennis, baseball, basketball...Yeah, that's it! I know just how to spruce things up: the next time there's a Mario sports event, I'm inviting Mona to show 'em what she's got! I mean sure, she'll wipe the floor with me if I ever have to compete against her, but who cares?! I'm one helluva lucky guy to have such a groovy girlfriend like her, and in WarioWare Inc. to boot!

'Cause Valentine's Day is a good day to be Waaaaario! Excellent-a!

(END P.O.V.)

THE END

(Ending Credits)  
Wario - CHARLES MARTINET  
Mona - LESLIE SWAN  
9-Volt - TARA STRONG  
Shopkeeper - KEVIN MICHAEL RICHARDSON

[End Credits]

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Some karts I've mentioned are from the _Mario Kart_ series, whereas the others (save for Vanellope's kart) I simply made up. Oh, and for those who are curious, the DV8 Diva Pearl actually exists in real life and has a closeout sale, as far as I know, via online bowling websites. And as always, thanks for reading!


End file.
